tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22872292860762562802023-11-16T08:59:32.172-08:00To Die or To Diet?The Struggles of PCOS, Being Overweight, & Being 19.bluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-18585916157367700762009-11-27T13:46:00.000-08:002009-11-27T13:46:26.105-08:00Updated MeasurementsChin/Head: 24.5 <br />
Chest: 39.0 <br />
Upper Left Arm: 14.0 <br />
Lower left Arm: 10.0 <br />
Upper RightArm: 15.0 <br />
Lower Right Arm: 11.0 <br />
Bust: 44.0 <br />
Waist: 38.5 <br />
Torso (right below belly butto): 47 <br />
Hips (right above butt, below "tire"): 45.0 <br />
Butt: 45.0<br />
Upper Left Thigh: 28.5 <br />
Mid Left Thigh:24.0<br />
Above Left Knee: 18.5 <br />
Left Calf: 16.0 <br />
Upper Right Thigh: 28.5 <br />
Mid Right Thigh: 24.5 <br />
Above Right Knee: 18.5 <br />
Right Calf:15.5<br />
<div style="color: red;"><b>Total: 507</b><br />
</div><b><span style="color: red;">Difference (since week 2): 0 inches<br />
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<b><span style="color: red;">so even though i've lost weight, i basically haven't lost any inches. the definite difference? I was doing these band-strength training exercises four times a week. definitely going to start doing that again!<br />
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</span></b>bluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-11815854919097839842009-11-27T12:34:00.000-08:002009-11-27T12:34:49.209-08:00I'm BACK!!! I missed you all. Major Update! Weight/SkinHi everyone! I know it's been almost a month since I've posted anything, I'm really sorry.<br />
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Usually I'm very good with keeping up with everything, but this is my first semester at college and this last month has been hitting me HARD. I never imagined in my life having the amount of work that I have. I literally spend hours at the coffee shop down the street and just do homework and projects, it's crazy.<br />
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Luckily though, I have good news- for the most part, I have still been keeping up with my diet (with some changes being made). So far, I've lost 11 pounds! I am down to 195.4 pounds!<br />
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A lot of you know that in the beginning of all this, I was getting sooo discouraged because I was eating nothing, working out, drinking a ton of water, and not losing weight. Then I went to the doctor and I got put on Metformin, a blood glucose lowering medicine. It has helped soooo much. My cravings are way down when I take it, and my food DIGESTS it doesn't just sit in my body and turn into fat. I feel like it's upped my metabolism a lot.<br />
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So even though I've lost weight, I haven't been working out, simply because I've been so busy with school. However, I've been eating very little and I'm much more aware of what I eat.<br />
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The 6 Week Body Makeover diet was a no go. With all the effort I put into it and such little results, I decided against it. I'm the type of person that would rather not eat ANYTHING than eat either the same things everyday and/or really bland, gross food. There is nothing more that I hate than trying to force food down because it's gross, and you still don't want it even though you're really hungry because it's just THAT nasty. I still think it's a great diet but for some reason it just didn't work for me...<br />
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Also, acne/tazorac update: my skin looks soooo much better!! If you don't remember, I had really bad acne. On a scale from 1 to 10 it was like a 7. Nothing worked...i tried everything. Then I went to the dermatologist and started Tazorac .1% gel at night, Aczone in the morning, and I am taking Spironolactone (which won't start working for 6 months, though). So here is what happened with the Tazorac...<br />
My skin started improving within 2-3 weeks. It wasn't completely better, but there was deffinetly a different, and people were telling me my skin looked great, so I knew it wasn't just me. Then on week 6-7 maybe, (about a week ago) my skin got SO dry. As a result, I had a pretty bad breakout session for about a week. But now its gone, and my skin is looks like it did on the week 2-3 period. I currently do not have any active "cysts" (or like bigger zits) on my face at all, I have one that is healing, and two little ones that are healing. I still have some blackheads/scaring/whiteheads, but its all very small compared to what my skin used to be.<br />
I highly, highly reccomend this stuff! seriously it is the only thing that has ever worked for me, and just like everyone else, I have tried everything. If you have any questions feel free to ask!<br />
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So my skin getting better is a huge, huge plus for me. But something really terrible/scary/weird happened last week, also.<br />
Every night and every morning and whenever I get out of the shower, I put lotion all over my body. As a result, I am very, very aware of the stretch marks I have and where they are/where they end. I woke up one morning, after getting out of the shower and was putting lotion on my arms and I felt something weird on the back of my arm...it felt like little wavy indentations in my skin....i looked in the mirror, and i had stretch marks on the back of my arm. They were NOT there the night before, and who the hell gets stretch marks on somewhere like the back of your arm when you've LOST 11 pounds? what is that?<br />
It gets better...I look down and the stretch marks on my stomach have grown like 3 inches...they are now PAST my bellybutton, almost to my ribs. the weirdest part? my belly isn't even THAT big! with these stretch marks, you would guess that i'd recently had a set of triplets or something. What is going on?<br />
So I had a meltdown....i felt like my body was ripping apart and stretch marks are the scariest, ugliest thing to me. I still don't know whats going on because even though I called my doctors office immediately, they didn't call me back, and now the office is closed for the holiday. But first thing monday morning, they're hearing from me.<br />
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Soo....theres the good and bad news I guess. I also just want to say I am so thankful for everyone who reads my blog and gives me support...I hope everything has been going well with all of you, i will do my best to try to catch-up on your posts for the most part to see how yall have been doing! Don't worry, i didn't forget about you!!<br />
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Current goal is to try to add some exercise back into my schedule. Not even for losing weight, because i'm not sure if it has an effect on my body like that, but just because I feel better after I exercise. I just got the old stationary bike working again and it's in my room, so i'm gonna go have at it!<br />
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xobluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-26549350782471904882009-11-01T01:31:00.000-07:002009-11-01T01:31:36.944-08:00When Depression Hits, it Hurts.I'm not sure if you're going to be able to understand this post because none of you really know who i am. And that's okay- actually, that's good- i like it like that.<br />
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I used to "go out" all the time. almost every night. i have a big/ massive extended of friends, i know almost everyone in the town I live in. I am lucky also, because I have more than a few very close friends. I know I am lucky, because I used to not have any friends at all. Which is why lately i've been thinking it's so weird how I've been pushing people away. and then tonight, the whole thing kind of slapped me in the face.<br />
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First of all, I used to always "go out" and hang out with all of these "cool people" because I was so insecure with myself. My ex boyfriend, who I was completely in love with, broke my heart and also left me very vunerable & insecure. When we dated, I was very young & emotional and dramatic. As a result, I didn't have a lot of friends. When we broke up, I finally grew up and was determined to prove to him that I could be friends with all of these people. And so I became very very social. And it worked. I started throwing house shows in my living room, brunch at my house on sundays, going to all these parties and just being confident and being friendly. it totally worked. In return, I have a ton of great friends. But in the back of my head, I always thought to myself "once he sees that i've grown up and i'm cool and have all these friends now, he'll want to get back together with me". And he hasn't gotten back together with me. Which is fine. i've moved on, for the most part (thats another issue in itself), but now that I know that there is nothing left to prove, I get bored. serves me right, though. I totally had it coming.<br />
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And I also get very, very, insecure now that I weigh as much as I do. It is hard being friends with the people I am friends with, because I swear they are all skinny and beautiful. Seriously, some of the most beautiful people you willl ever see. And not the fake concieted tanning bed dyed hair type of pretty either- like the naturally pretty i can dress like a pumpkin on halloween and still look completely gorgeous type of pretty. And the most handsome boys, too. And the best/worst part? They are the greatest people you will ever meet. Seriously, I love my friends. But as great as they are, it makes me feel so insecure when I am around them. Lots of them are dating, and have been dating for a while. Or they are seeing someone, or interested in someone, or hanging out with someone. I have no one.<br />
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I've never felt so alone in my life. I just want to curl up into a ball and sleep forever. But I am writing this for hope that someone will hear me. Does it ever get any better? I didn't use to be like this. I have never really been thin, but there was a time in my life that i was confident with how I looked. I have been told by people that I look like a porcelin (sp) doll, and that if they were ever as naturally pretty as me they would never wear makeup or do anything with my hair. and it's nice to hear. But i feel so disgusting.<br />
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And it sucks, because I know confidence is everything. I know it is. I've witnessed it, I've said it, I've done it. Confidence is without a doubt the sexiest thing anyone can have. But mine went out the door a long time ago.<br />
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Maybe it was when most of my clothes stopped fitting. Maybe it was when I started to avoid the camera. Maybe it was when my acne got worse and no matter what wasn't getting better, or when I started growing hair under my chin, or when I got 7 inch stretch marks on my stomach. i mean, how the hell can you feel confident with that?<br />
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And the worst part...when I feel like this, I run for food. Literally, run to it. Thank god Taco Bell was closed before I got to it, because who knows what I would have eaten. <br />
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I know I should be confident with myself always, and I am to a certain degree. But not with my looks, not now atleast. There is a huge part of me that doesn't even want to think about being confident with how I am right now, because I feel like if I am then I will just accept how I am and be fat forever. And I don't want to. i don't want to be fat anymore.<br />
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I don't want to be fat so people will like me, because they already do. but I don't want to be fat anymore because I want to like myself. I want to love myself. I want to be able to wear anything I want and all the cute dresses I have, and not always wear black because I try not to stick out. I want to be confident in myself, I want to exude confidence, I want to remember how to flirt with boys, to always want to take pictures, to always want to go out, to go to the beach with my friends, to ride bikes with everyone, to not worry about what I look like sweaty or with my hair pulled up because if i'm confident it won't matter. I just want to be my best, and I'm not right now. And I'm wasting my life. Every second I live like this, I am wasting. Especially lately- I don't even feel like I am living. just looking into the life I could be having if i wasn't fat.<br />
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It makes me lonely, because I push everyone away because I'm embarassed to have people around me. I hold onto the idea of my exboyfriend because <br />
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i barely ate today. i was busy. i binged yesterday, but i got sick and threw it all up =(. <br />
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i want to get this shit over with. 6WBM diet is going 100% on tomorrow, november 1st ,and its gonna be awesome. It's hard to follow, but I just need to give it ONE DAY.ONE DAY where I follow it EXACTLY. And then the next day, I'll do the same. And then the day after that.<br />
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I've got to. Because I can't live like this anymore.bluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-39859210014778501572009-10-29T23:35:00.000-07:002009-10-29T23:35:47.536-07:00I feel like I cheated, but I still did pretty well.One good thing about being on such a strict diet, is even if you're "cheating", you're probably still not eating very many calories. For example, today I consumed 1,096 calories. It's more than I would consume if I followed this diet 100%, but today I was busy running around and going to class and I had no time to go home and really eat what I was supposed to.<br />
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I have also definintely come to the conclusion that mornings are the hardest for me. I wake up CRAVING junk food. I think it's a bad habit, because for years I would always get fast food for breakfast, or starbucks sweet coffee drinks & a muffin, or whatever. So i've got to train my brain back into not thinking like this when I wake up.<br />
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This morning was no exception. i woke up craving coffee and crumbleberry cake from starbucks! i knew there was no way i could have that. I went to my dermatologist this morning (more on that later) so i decided to stop in at my favorite restaurant ever, called Just Fresh, and get my favorite wrap- but it's kinda fatty. It's called a Little Red Rooster, and has Roasted Chicken, Lettuce, Tomato, applewood bacon, ham, provolone cheese, and honey dijon vinagrette wrapped in a tomato and basil wrap. I got no cheese, which was saving calories. Just Fresh is a very small chain, and I couldn't find any nutritional info for the sandwhich. So I just did my best guess and searched all the ingredients on calorie count. I also had a chargrilled chicken sandwhich from Chikfila (only 260 calories) and a nonfat caramel machiato iced from starbucks (only 190 calories). I had some grilled chicken and pinapple for a snack, so all in all I didn't do that bad. I mean, it wasn't Six Week Body Makeover friendly, but my calories were less than 1383 (which is my daily limit no matter what).<br />
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I also went to the gym today. I could only walk for like 30 minutes though....i was in pain. This medicine is still making me sick. Honestly I'm proud of myself that I even went, because I really was exhausted and didn't feel well. But after reading some of these posts on here, I have had it drilled into my head that even SOME exercise is better than NONE. It's so true. And I feel glad i did it.<br />
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So i went to my dermatologist today. My $500 dollar fancy shcmancy antibiotics for my acne are not working. It makes sense though, because my acne is not caused by bacteria- with everything i put on my skin, it very well kept & clean. So I decided to start taking Spirolacatone (spelled wrong... aka Spiro). It is a diuretic and an androgen blocker. Androgens are the different variations of the male hormone, testosterone, which is what causes my acne. It takes a while, but hopefully it really helps.<br />
I was on the lowest Tazorac cream (.05% cream) so she gave me samples of all the other higher types- ranging from highest to lowest: .05% gel, .1% cream, .1% gel. I'm going to start with the .05% gel tonight and see if it makes a difference. Tazorac SHOULD dry my skin out a little, which is hasn't done, so i'm going to increase the doses slowly until I find what works.<br />
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I was doing very well on my diet....and then I ate a bunch of chips & guacamole =( My friends and I made a late night trip to super wal mart and there was soooo many things I wanted to eat there. But I have been craving chips & guac for such a long time, so I opted for that, knowing it would satisfy my cravings instead of eating a bunch of halloween candy that my friends bought. I did eat a little too much though...i'm estimating about 400 calories worth. like 15 chips (which is like 200 calories and 1 1/2 snack packs of guacamole (150 calories all together). I dunno...honestly i'm not too disappointed with what I did. I wish I wouldve eaten less, but I'm happier that I made a healthy choice even though I really wanted to eat an entire bag of reese's pumpkins.<br />
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but like i said, this is a lifestyle change! any healthy choice is improvement.bluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-83226920831325455732009-10-28T10:45:00.000-07:002009-10-28T10:45:13.329-07:00A list of rewards for when I reach a goal!I have all these little things I want to do, but I don't have money for. Luckily (and unluckily) I have parents that want nothing more for me except lose weight. That's another story in itself, but the good thing about losing weight is I know once I meet certain goals, I'll have certain rewards that I can look forward to as I progress. These aren't things picked out by my parents, it's all my choices, but i know that with every goal i meet they will be supportive & help me (financially) get the rewards. i'm in a hard college and taking 19 hours this semester...they want me to focus on school & getting healthy, since those are the most important things. I'm lucky to have parents that can support me financially I know, but I am on scholarship to school so i'm saving them a tonnnn of money.<br />
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190 pounds- Stretch Mark Cream!!<br />
175- Formula 37 - a hair growing kid with vitamins, shampoo & conditioner. my hair doesn't grow, and this is a money back gaurantee!<br />
160- Get my hair colored!!<br />
145- Keratin hair treatment! I had this done once, and omg<br />
130- clothes!!!!<br />
115- Hair extensions!! (my hair doesn't grow very fast, and never has. i've always wanted extensions)<br />
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these are subject to change...the first 2 i know will not, but we'll see what happens!!bluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-38746017166171791922009-10-26T23:53:00.000-07:002009-10-26T23:53:42.310-07:00Overview of My Condition- PCOS (Poly cystic ovarian syndrome)I wish I had written this earlier. I realize that a lot of you are very, very blessed to not have to deal with this condition I have called PCOS. Therefore, you may not know about it. I certainly did not until I was diagnosed. So i'm gonna give you a little re-cap, just incase you want to know what it is I'm talking about when I say I have PCOS.<br />
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PCOS stands for PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome. basically, it makes your hormones all out of whack. Because of this, You gain weight super easily, frequently miss periods, have acne, hair growth (like on your chin, belly, and body hair just generally grows a lot faster and is thicker) and hair loss (from your head). the periods/hair/skin side effects are all because when you have PCOS, your body produces more of an androgen hormone called testosterone than it should. testosterone is the male hormone that triggers acne, hairgrowth/loss, missed periods, ect.<br />
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Although I have done a TON of research over the last year myself on PCOS, no one really knows how or why it starts exactly. There is no cure, and it is hard to manage, but it is do-able. Doctors know that <b>weight </b>plays a significant part in PCOS. Fat cells can cause over production of testosterone and bind with estrogen (the female hormone), which can cause all of your symptoms.<br />
**However, <b>not everyone who is overweight has PCOS</b>, infact there are plenty of overweight or obese women that don't have it. <i>But</i> <b>almost everyone that has PCOS is overweight</b>, or have delt with a weight problem in their life. <br />
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So the question is... does PCOS cause you to be overweight, or does being overweight cause PCOS? There are theories, but No one really knows. But it is true that when you have PCOS, it is harder to lose weight. The hormones have a direct effect on your body's ability to lose weight, for whatever reason. <br />
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This is what makes it hard. Every doctor you go to says, "lose weight, PCOS will get better". However, that is not the easiest way. Lots of women take birth control pills, metformin, spiractalone (sp?) or flutamide (sp?), or a combination of all.<br />
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Personally, I'm not sure if I will ever go on another birth control pill again for as long as I live. Once I got off of them when I was 17, I had been taking them for 2 years. I was overweight, but not obese, had mild but controllable acne and never had any facial hair or hair loss problems (although my hair has never, ever grown at a normal rate...it grows very slow. it's weird.) Once I got off my birth control pills, I didn't have a period for 7 months. I started to have hair growth. I lost weight, but only because I went vegan, and then once I stopped being vegan I gained weight.<br />
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There are theories that when women with PCOS take birth control pills, they have to stay on them for forever, and when they get off their hormones are going to go crazy out of whack. This is kind of what I feel what happened to me. But part of me thinks that maybe my birth control pills were just masking my PCOS problem , and I always had it. I think it's kind of a combination of the two, because i always had acne more than my friends, and i never ever had regular periods. But who knows?<br />
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Well, doctor's don't. that's the main frustration with having this condition.there are very few specialists in PCOS because there just simply isn't that much information on it to begin with.<br />
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Luckily, I found a doctor who actually knows a little bit about PCOS (seriously, most doctors don't know a damn thing about it). She perscribed me Metformin. This is the medicine I am taking now, which makes me super nauseous all the time. It is typically given to people with type 2 diabetes, but since insulin resistance and PCOS go hand-in-hand (insulin is just another hormone that is out of whack because of PCOS), it is perscribed for PCOS too sometimes. Usually it is perscribed for PCOS patients because it can help them lose weight.<br />
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When I told my doctor I had been trying and trying to lose weight and I wasn't, she suggested Metformin. She said that the weight wasn't going to melt off, it wasn't a magic diet pill, but it would put me on the same level as a normal girl my age trying to lose weight. So basically, with this pill, supposedly my body will lose weight at a normal rate. Hallelujah.<br />
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When you lose weight, your symptoms and side effects of having PCOS decrease dramatically because since you have less fat, you have less testosterone production, which in turn balances out your other hormones. sadly, little are successful in losing weight just because it is so difficult with this disorder.<br />
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However, I am lucky. I caught this early, almost as early as you can detect it in a patient. Usually a doctor can't really diagnose PCOS until after puberty is completely & hormones have stablized (or in my case, haven't stablized haha). I can't say exactly how long i've had this because no one knows if it's something I was born with, or if i've just developed it over time. but I was officially dianosed about a year and a half ago. There are many many women out there who aren't diagnosed for 20 years and have had it there whole lives, and never know. I have been told my many women such as these that I am lucky that I am catching it early. These are the same women who literally can grow a full beard everyday and constantly shave their face, or the women who are losing clumps of hair and completely going bald, and ontop of that have acne & are obese. The hairgrowth I have is slowly getting worse, but supposedly like every other side effect of PCOS, will get better with weight loss. Weight loss = less testosterone = less hair growth, less acne, no hair failling out.<br />
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it's weird to deal with this being 19. but I am lucky I caught it early. They say only 5% of women have PCOS, but i'm super positive that's wrong. I bet you about 30% of women have it, but only 5% are diagnosed. My mom, for example, was never diagnosed with PCOS (and still hasn't been, now that she is past menopause) but talking to her about the acne/hair growth/ hair loss made me realize she had it when she was growing up too. But the weird thing about that? My mom was thin. She was never over a size 4 until she was 40 years old. She was runner up actually in a Miss America pageant (but I won't tell you which one). It's just weird to think, that she had acne & hair growth (though not as bad as mine) but she was thin. But supposedly this is all from being fat?<br />
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Like I said...who really knows.<br />
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So yeah, I am taking Metformin, in hopes that it will give me a chance to get this weight off, and hopefully get my PCOS undercontrol. But right now, it's just making me want to throw up!!<br />
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I really hope this helped some of you who don't know what PCOS is. I think it's so important that peolple become more aware of it. And please note- you do not have to be overweight to have PCOS. if you have any of the symptoms i talked about, mainly if you have irregular periods, you should talk to your doctor. the sooner you know about what's going on, the sooner you can take care of it.<br />
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<3bluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-63459243705676987852009-10-26T21:23:00.001-07:002009-10-26T21:23:56.399-07:00Update for today.I'm going to try to start writing down how many calories I eat in here, and my excerise/ect<br />
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910 calories<br />
no working out<br />
no muscle training<br />
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....i felt like throwing up all day from this medicine. i just took my nightime dosage and i feel like i'm going to throw up right now, actually.<br />
i can't possibly work out when i feel like this. it's getting better everyday though, but my dosage is also going to double in the next two weeks. ugh.bluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-61075125429525607682009-10-26T11:24:00.000-07:002009-10-26T11:24:31.511-07:00Weekly Weigh In? & GoalsI know it's been a few days since I've written, I haven't felt very well. After my doctor's appointment, I started taking Metformin and it's been making me feel pretty sick. I barely ate anything this weekend, but I didn't work out either except for friday.<br />
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I'm supposed to weigh in today, but I didn't really follow my diet that much this week because I was discouraged from my last weigh in and my medicine made me feel awful. I didn't really binge or go completely off of it, but I didn't eat or work out. I don't want to get discouraged, so i'm starting again today. So far so good.<br />
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I was watching some vlogs about weight loss, and was able to see the journey an obese woman made over a 20 week period. She lost 35 pounds, and though it seems really slow, she never gave up and she kept on going. So I need to realize that even if I don't lose a lot, it's still something. It's still coming off.<br />
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My goal for this week is to work out 6 times. 6 days of cardio. woo!<br />
Also, to expirament with new recipes!<br />
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Mini Tazorac Update:<br />
Today is the first day that I can see my skin improving. All the acne that I did have is now healing, and I can tell. I didn't have any new pimples when I woke up this morning, which means I only have 2 active ones that are still under the skin but look like they may not go any further, which is good. I'm so thankful my face looks like its getting better...hopefully I have more good news to come!bluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-88302557368297267622009-10-23T12:01:00.000-07:002009-10-23T12:02:56.202-07:00I'm Going to Beat This!Yesterday was very scary. It was a lot of emotion and fear that I didn't know how to deal with. Also yesterday, I got in a huge fight with my parents. I was trying to explain to them what I was going through with PCOS, and especially trying to explain that to my dad is like, impossible. The thing is, no matter how much I tell them what I'm going through, it is frusterating to know that they will never, ever really know what I'm dealing with because they do not have PCOS. They aren't living this, and fighting this every second of every day.<br />
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Yesterday was bad. I really, really wish I had some Lush Cosmetics Bubble Bars so I could have taken a bubble bath yesterday. But I didn't. And I'm still okay.<br />
<br />
I woke up this morning realizing I was getting ahead of myself. My doctor didn't say I have cushing's sydrome, she said that I MIGHT have it. I am not going to getting upset & worried over nothing. I am not going to let it effect my diet.<br />
<br />
And the most important thing I realized? Regardless of what's wrong with me, my weight and my health are going to directly effect it. The healthier and more weight i lose, the better I will feel, the healthier I will be.<br />
<br />
I am back on my diet and doing well. I'm going to "deep clean" my room (which is my form of detoxing) and clear my head. I'm going back to the gym and doing my muscle training later.<br />
<br />
I know I've got to keep going. And I will not stop. Even if I don't lose a pound. I will keep going.<br />
<br />
Oh, also, today is my first day on Metformin. Makes me not want to put any food in my mouth. makes me kind of nauseous. But I have to eat to keep my metabolism up, but hopefully this will help with my body acting so out of wack, and it supposedly helps weight loss for women with PCOS.bluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-79475441364157992732009-10-22T10:33:00.000-07:002009-10-22T10:33:46.856-07:00Cushing's Sydrome and a wholleeee lot of discouragementI am back from my three hour long appointment with my PCOS specialist. She thinks I might have cushing's syndrome.<br />
<br />
I feel defeated, I started crying at the doctors office, and I'm starting to cry as I write this. I feel pathetic, and like I should "grow a pair" as they say, but the thing is, I am relatively healthy. I have been pretty active all my life, and up until recently (like a few months ago) I have never been obese. I mean, I was a varsity tennis player for 5 years for christ's sake. I'm 200 pounds, not 400. I'm freaking 19 years old, not 45. Which is what I felt like when she was telling me all that was wrong with me today. what is going on with my body?<br />
<br />
As you may know, I have been logging everything I eat on this caloriecounting website called caloriecount.about.com, and I printed out all my logs for her and showed them to her. She saw EVERYTHING, even if I cheated, she saw how much I exercised- everything. She was surprised I hadn't lost more weight, but she said for women with PCOS, sometimes the numbers just don't add up (it's not as simple as the 3500 calorie per pound burn more than you eat thing) and that it was better to be overweight an exercise than to be obese and not exercise.<br />
<br />
I feel like crawling into a hole and dying. She is putting me on Metformin, and I will start the perscription tomorrow. <br />
<br />
I don't want to lose faith or hope, and I am thankful for everyone I have met so far on this site. But I will say that it's very hard not to get discouraged, especially since she basically told me i don't and i won't lose weight like everyone else. I honestly feel like if I starve myself for a year (which I won't) i won't drop a pound.<br />
<br />
I feel very ill today. I am physically, mentally, emotionally exhausted. I am taking a nap. I have not stayed on my diet, I ate a crossant and coffee after the doctor's this morning.<br />
<br />
Obviously, the more discouraged I get the more i want to eat. I know that is normal, but I also know i need to be careful.<br />
<br />
I am not going to throw in the towel, and tomorrow I will get everything back on track better than it was before. And i know, i know, the whole thing about "why tomorrow? why not today?" honestly, I just need a mental break right now. I don't plan on binging, or anyting like that, and i will still eat my diet meals that I have been eating, but i probably won't go to the gym, i probably won't do my exercising. I just need to not stress over it right now. I just need a break.<br />
<br />
Because I feel like I just got hit with a big mack truck.bluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-10665974034594695142009-10-21T22:39:00.000-07:002009-10-21T22:39:25.207-07:00May I Just Say- WTFI stepped on the scale. My bad, I know, I shouldn't of done it- but I did anyway.<br />
<br />
Mr. Scale says I gained 4 pounds. 4 freaking pounds. 203.8. In like, 3 days? WHAT!?<br />
Okay, I know today is the first day I've worked out this week. But I still have the rest of the week left. I only ate 837 calories today. I drank a ton of water. I don't know. I don't know. I feel hopeless and helpless.<br />
<br />
I immediately went downstairs and ate a grilled cheese and chips. I mean honestly, WHAT IS THE POINT?! I am so sad. I am so frusterated.<br />
<br />
everyday this week (starting monday) I have eaten between 850-1300 calories. No more, no less. I didn't expect to have lost weight, because I haven't excercised but 1 day and I wasn't following my super specific /strict 6WBM diet 100%, but i was still eating like low calories. I expected to be the same, or maybe a little less, or maybe even a little more because I drank a lot of water today. But 4 pounds?! I mean i didn't drink 4 pounds of water. WHAT IS GOING ON<br />
<br />
<br />
Thank god im going to the doctor tomorrow. I'm printing out my food logs and bringing them with me, so she can see exactly everything i've eaten and all the work outs i've been doing for the last 2 1/2 weeks.<br />
<br />
=(bluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-22911912459219397142009-10-21T21:46:00.000-07:002009-10-21T21:46:42.995-07:00Even when you're too busy to diet, you still have to eat healthy.College is kicking my ass. I have probably the most absurd paper I have ever written in my life due tomorrow, and i'm still 1/3 of the way done. I have been very busy with school, and other things, and when I get busy, it gets harder to stay on my diet. On the 6 week body makeover, you eat 6 small meals a day, ever 2-3 hours. you can't always bring the food you're supposed to be eating with you (grilled chicken doesn't travel that well...) but at the same time, it's hard to be home every 2-3 hours to eat!<br />
<br />
<br />
but i've been telling myself lately that, no matter how busy I get, I have to still be healthy. Being busy is not an excuse to be fat, and i'm proud that even though i've been busy, i've eating healthy. I even worked out today! for a full hour! I didn't get to do my body sculpting/ muscle building today, but I still have the rest of the week to do it.<br />
<br />
I am going to a PCOS doctor tomorrow. I am SOOO excited!!! I know that i'm not going to go in and be cured, but she is a doctor specializing in PCOS and diabetes, and I have sooo many questions I want to ask her about birth control, metformin, and all that stuff. I'm pretty sure I will start going on metformin tomorrow, after last week only losing 1 pound. For women with PCOS, it can a lot harder to lose weight because of hormones. Access estrogen is stored in your cells, and when its released (when you lose weight), it can screw with your insulin levels (another hormone) and make it harder to lose weight. I dunno. it's complicated. I'm not looking for an easy way out, but they say that metformin makes your body lose weight like normal peoples bodies. So maybe things will be better.<br />
<br />
I'll update tomorrow right when I get back from the doctor. Woohoo!bluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-20953938078245691052009-10-21T01:09:00.000-07:002009-10-21T01:09:44.733-07:00Tazorac Update-PCOS Acne RoutineI just wanted to update you guys on my acne routine-<br />
It's been about a week since I started using Tazorac, supposedly the "miracle cream"<br />
last week i used it every other day (like directed) and as of monday, i am putting it on my face every night.<br />
<br />
So far, I am really disappointed... I don't see any changes. and I feel like maybe, if anything, my skin might be getting a little worse- not like really worse, but enough to where I can notice. or maybe it's just my brain being a pessimist because I see nothing getting better...<br />
<br />
I am on the lowest dose cream (they have 1%, .5%, and .1%, and I am on the .1%). I am on this strength until late november, when I go back to my dermatologist for an update, and probably to get on the 2nd highest strength (they said that's what they normally do on your second visit)<br />
<br />
Other things I am on:<br />
Soldyn.. or Sodlyn? a super crazy expensive supposedly ground breaking anti-biotic made especially for acne. It's like over 500 dollars a bottle, and I haven't seen ANY difference. I take it once a day, everyday, and it's almost been a month- nothing. I used to be on doxyclene, and i hated the way it made me feel, but atleast it half-way decently worked.<br />
I use AcZone in the morning. It's just a clear gel that contains dapsone.<br />
<br />
My routine:<br />
Morning-<br />
1.wash face with Aveeno Radiance Cleanser (helps get rid of my acne scars)<br />
2. Tone (every other day with Orgins Herbal Toner)<br />
3. Moisturize with Keihl's Brightening Moisturizer (the best moisturizer EVER...helps get rid of my acne scars)<br />
4. Apply a pea size amount of Aczone<br />
<br />
Night:<br />
1. Remove makeup (with either makeup remover clothes or babywash)<br />
2. Wash with Neutrogena Extra Gentle Cleanser (but this is about to change...that stuff stings my skin...which is so weird)<br />
3. CeraVea Moisturizing Lotion- just really plain gentle oil-free moisturizer<br />
4. Apply a pea size amount of Tazorac<br />
<br />
Also, if i take a shower, I exfoliate with:<br />
Aveeno Brightening Radiance Daily Scrub to exfoliate my skin<br />
Once or Twice a week, I use Kiehl's Rare Earth Face Mask which absorbs oil and cleans poors<br />
<br />
I take SUCH good care of my skin guys. I always wash my face. I wear natural makeup. The only bad thing I do is sometimes I pick (so bad, I know) but I feel like I should have SUCH good skin with the way I take care of it. It's so frusturating. i mean, imagine eating only whole grains and fruits and veggies your whole life, but remaining morbidly obese- that's what this feels like.<br />
<br />
Gonna give tazorac some more time though. hopefully i'll start seeing results<br />
Let me know if you've ever used Tazorac & the results you've seen PLEASE!! I would love to hear from youbluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-47282923991742952982009-10-21T00:53:00.000-07:002009-10-21T00:53:37.524-07:00I live in the South, but I'm SO COLD!If you haven't noticed- my blog isn't very personal. I don't have pictures of myself up, my name, or where I live. It's for a bunch of different reasons- but regardless of what they are, I feel it shouldn't matter. The person I am is not where I live, what my name is, or what I look like. I feel like my true self comes out through these blogs, and i'd like to keep everything separate. Also, i don't want anyone I know coming and finding this. It's too personal. Does that make sense? Good. =)<br />
<br />
Well there is one thing I will tell you about me that is kind of personal- I live in the South. I live in South Carolina actually, and for the past 5 months or so, i've been dealing with super humid 80+ weather. Today, it's 63 degress, and I just think it's funny how unaccumulated my body was to the cold! I walked outside, and I swore it was like 50 degrees! haha..noo..it was like 65. I felt silly hahaha. <br />
<br />
There is a reason I am telling you this- I have a huge room, with huge huge windows and huge french doors (i live in an old historic house) and in an old historic house comes super super bad temperature. It's always hot as hell in the summer and cold as christmas in the winter. My room is missing a lot of weather stripping currently, so last night in my room it was 51 degrees. I was wearing leggings, sweatpants, a long sleeved shirt, a sweatshirt, two pairs of socks, and rolled up into like 8 blankets. I know, 50 degrees isn't freezing, but to a girl that spends her days in 90 degree heat typically, it is! and it's especially not fun your ROOM is 50 degrees, and you're trying to go to sleep...<br />
<br />
So...since I was so cold, I didn't end up falling asleep until 5 AM. and it totally whacked-out my day. I've been trying to go to bed by 2 and wake up at 10 AM, which has been working out for me great. Not having the right amount of sleep really throws me off...<br />
<br />
SO i woke up today at like 3. I had class at 4. I was sooo exhausted, even though I technically slept a lot. didn't stick with my 6wbm plan (but i didn't eat really terribly either, i stayed within 1300 calorie range), but i didn't get to excerise, because i had class from 4 to 9 and then this big event right after that i HAD to go to.<br />
<br />
I'm focused on getting back on track tomorrow. I haven't done any cardio yet this week, and tomorrow is wednesday which I'm sad about because normally I've already atleast done one day. But I think I'm going to change my weigh-in days to Monday anyway, so atleast I still have 5 days to work out.<br />
<br />
I am worried about Saturday... i am leaving really early in the morning to go out of town for a music festival in Georgia. I guess I will wakeup really, really early and go to the gym? i HATE mornings!!<br />
<br />
I haven't been doing so great this week, i've still been healthy, but i'm getting off track. I think i just lost a lot of motivation when I only lost 1 pound last week, when i worked SO hard. And also, I'm getting sick of the food... ugh. and also, i've been SO busy with school. i'm in the midst of transfering schools, and its SUCH a pain and just very time consuming. <br />
<br />
Does anyone else have any experience with the 6 Week Body Makeover? Any at all?<br />
<br />
<br />
just checked the clock... its almost 4 AM =( !!!! I need to get to BED so I don't have an "off" day tomorrow, too! aghhhbluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-18803239318030971872009-10-19T15:34:00.000-07:002009-10-19T15:39:51.331-07:00Depressed, but not Defeated.I don't even know. 1 pound? srsly?<br />
<br />
I feel like I did a lot better this week than last week, minus the drinking and the burger I ate. But I seriously expected atleast a FEW pounds difference, and I'm super sad that the scale didn't reflect that....<br />
<br />
For all of you who don't know, I'm following the 6WBM diet. It's pretty much supposed to melt pounds off of you. Which is another reason I'm super shocked.<br />
<br />
I followed all of my goals, I excercised 4 times this week, I ate different protien that just chicken, and I expiramented with some recipes. My Body Sculpting Routine even got twice as hard, and I still did each day twice a week, which is 4 times total.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><b>Theories as to why I possibly didn't lose:</b><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">1. Aunt flo' is coming back around (I had major terrible cramps today, but I haven't had my period in a while because of PCOS. If I get it, this is a good sign)<br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">2. Built muscle, which weighs more than fat<br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">3. My scale is just trying to piss me off & get back at me for stepping on him all the time<br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">4. alcohol had some weird effect on my body which made me gain anything back that i had lost<br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">5. a hardee's burger is really 18,000 calories, not 910.<br />
</div><br />
yeah...well, its probably a mixture of a few above. we'll see. <br />
<br />
Regardless, I feel better, and I lost inches. I know that the alcohol and burger had a major thing to do with it, but I'm determined to keep it as a learning experience and keep moving. From this point out, all salt is cut out of my diet. Sometimes I allow a little here and there, but as of now it's COMPLETELY out.<br />
<br />
I'm determined to keep going...and I'm hoping my body will catch up with the way I feel and next week will show a much bigger weight loss. Maybe I should get on Metformin?<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><b>Goals for this week:</b><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">1. No salt. At all.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">2. Cardio 5 times a week.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">3. 100 oz of water a day, not just "a lot of water throughout the day".<br />
</div>bluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-29330931699542281232009-10-19T09:53:00.000-07:002009-10-19T09:53:04.937-07:00Week 2- Weigh In & Measurements<b><u>Day 1. Measurements!</u></b> <br />
Chin/Head: 25.5 <br />
Chest: 39 <br />
Upper Left Arm: 14.0 <br />
Lower left Arm: 10.5 <br />
Upper RightArm: 15.0 <br />
Lower Right Arm: 11.0 <br />
Bust: 43.5 <br />
Waist: 38.5 <br />
Torso (right below belly butto): 47.5 <br />
Hips (right above butt, below "tire"): 45.0 <br />
Butt:45.0<br />
Upper Left Thigh: 28.0 <br />
Mid Left Thigh: 24.0<br />
<br />
Above Left Knee: 18.5 <br />
Left Calf: 16.0 <br />
Upper Right Thigh: 27.5 <br />
Mid Right Thigh: 24.5 <br />
Above Right Knee: 18.5 <br />
Right Calf: 15.5<br />
<div style="color: red;"><b>Total: 507</b><br />
</div><b><span style="color: red;">Difference: 4.75 inches</span><br />
</b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">weight: 199.8 pounds<br />
</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Difference: 1 pound</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;"><br />
</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;"><br />
</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Can I just say? Something is wrong with my scale. Everytime I step on it, I get a new number. I'm gonna go get a new one today. <br />
</span></b>bluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-17511658008175990642009-10-18T12:17:00.000-07:002009-10-18T12:22:51.799-07:00Oh, Fuck. On Day 14, I ate a a Hardee's Thickburger.Sorry for the language, but seriously, oh fuck.<br />
I totally blew my diet last night...<br />
<br />
I've been trying not to "go out" with my friends, because mostly we just end up at bars (we're in college) and it's not that I have an issue controlling myself, I usually only drink a little, it's just I hate the fact that alcohol is major empty calories. I've been doing pretty well so far.<br />
<br />
Last night though, I took my best friend out. Her fiance dumped her out of nowhere yesterday, and I promised her i'd take her out and get her wasted. We did, and I knew that the circumstances were special and I felt okay with getting drunk. I started with a jack & ginger, my fave, and promised myself I'd only have 1. I did. Then I had vodka & sodas (low in calories). Then I bought my friend a huge shot of jack daniels, so I had one too. Thats when I just kind of got drunk and I lost control. It was cold outside, and I really wanted a Woodchuck Amber (a cider beer), and if I hadn't of been drunk, I would have been able to avoid it. But I really didn't have any willpower...and I got 2 of them =(<br />
<br />
But that's not even the worst part- my best friend kept on talking about how she wanted a cheeseburger (by the way, she's 101 pounds and 5'7, don't you hate her?) and ever since she was talking about it I couldn't get it out of my head. I used to always go to hardee's after the bar and get a Thickburger, and thats what I did last night. I KNOW if I wasn't drunk I wouldn't of done it.<br />
<br />
I ate it all. I wanted to throw up, but i was so drunk and tired that I didn't. I looked up the nutrition value this morning, knowing that it was going to be bad- figuring maybe 500-600 calories. Oh fuck, I was way off.<br />
<br />
<b>Nutrition Info For a Thickburger:</b><br />
910 Calories.<br />
570 of them from Fat.<br />
64 grams of fat.<br />
21 grams of Saturated Fat. <br />
100 mg of cholestrol<br />
53 carbs<br />
<br />
ect ect ect. Are you crying? Because I am.<br />
I had NO IDEA I was eating almost 1000 calories. Sometimes I don't even eat 1000 calories a day. I AM SO MAD<br />
<br />
So, it's sunday, and I know I always weigh-in on Sunday, but I might change it to Monday- maybe not for good, but atleast for this week. After all my hard work, I feel like I could've completely blown it for the whole week by eating that. I'm going to drink a TON of water today, hopefully to get all of the bloat out, eat correctly, and weigh in tomorrow.<br />
<br />
I'm just so upset.<br />
<br />
<b>Things I've Learned:</b><br />
1. Don't ever eat at Hardee's again. EVER. The nutrition info is retarded.<br />
2. Always find out how many calories are in what you're eating if you don't know. And NEVER ASSUME.<br />
3. Don't get drunk to the point where you can't control yourself.bluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-31132982420444666672009-10-16T20:44:00.000-07:002009-10-16T21:08:32.620-07:00Updated Final Ultimate Goal- With Date!For all of those who don't know, I recently finally decided on my exact ideal weight. It's more than just a goal weight- it's a specific weight that if I could weight ANYTHING, I would way this amount: <b>114.5 pounds. </b><br />
<br />
I chose this weight because it is equivalent to Zooey Deschanel's exact BMI, and she has what I consider a perfect body. <b> </b><br />
At first, this was just an "ultimate goal" weight, that I didn't have a specific date to match. But now, I do!!<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">My ultimate goal is to be 114.5 pounds by September 13th, 2010.</span><br />
Why this date? Because September 13, 2010 is the first day of class for the Fall 2010 semester at Savannah College of Art & Design.<br />
I would be living in a new city, starting fresh, with a new body. There couldn't be a better time. <br />
<br />
Good news? It's totally do-able. I went to caloriecount.about.com and used their calorie intake advice calculator to determine how many calories I need to eat between now & then. My max daily calories is 1383.<br />
<br />
Very, very excited I came up with a date. YAYbluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-45890268759008292372009-10-16T15:54:00.000-07:002009-10-18T12:23:57.735-07:00I'm Excited/Nervous for my weigh in!I have to say, I'm pretty proud of myself. I've stuck much closer to my diet than last week, and i'm eating all of my meals (last week I didn't). I also went to the gym today, and although I still have one more day to complete my 4 days of cardio for the week, I went to the gym at like 5 o'clock (and it's friday) and it was super packed, but i just dealt with it. Yay!<br />
<br />
For the first time, I noticed that my arms looks smaller. I'm really excited about this because last week my arms were one of the only places I didn't loose any inches in- and i REALLY need to get them smaller!<br />
<br />
I haven't weighed myself all week either. I kind of want to, but I'm afraid to ruin this positivity I have going, and I want to keep it going as long as possible.<br />
<br />
Hope everything is going well!bluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-13067619726859385462009-10-15T15:54:00.000-07:002009-10-18T12:24:14.041-07:00I Feel Good (Dun nun nun nun, I know that I would now)So i've sticked with my diet 100% (except I added like a tiny bit of nonfat milk to my coffee, I can't handle it black yet)<br />
<br />
And as restricting as the 6 Week Body Makeover is, one thing I like about it is that you're so busy eating every few hours and making sure you're eating all the right things, that you literally don't have time to think about junk food. I mean temptation is always there, but it's so much less. I don't sit there and think about the next piece of cake or taco bell trip i'm going to take. Instead I'm thinking about what options I have to eat at home right now, what veggies I'm about to run out of and need to go pick up, ect.<br />
<br />
I worked out today, and can i just say it makes a HUGE difference working right after breakfast (when I eat a carb) instead of working out after my mid-morning snack (where I just eat protein & fruit). I did not feel light headed and exhausted afterwards. And i had to walk a lot faster than I usually do to keep up at my target heart rate. I was walking at 2.8-3.0 to keep up my heart rate, normally i walk around 2.5-2.7. It was strange though, two days ago when I was walking, I kept on going over my target heart rate. I had to walk at like 2.0 (which is super slow...i felt retarded lol) to keep my heartrate where i wanted it. It was so weird!<br />
So it made me think... maybe it's the treadmills? maybe the heartrate detector on them doesn't really work? Maybe it was my adderall that morning? Maybe it was my that I ate carbs before I went?<br />
I don't know, it's probably a mix of all of the above. But it was strange.<br />
I should probably just invest in a heartrate monitor, but between this diet and school, i have no time for a job, and therefore hardly any money =(.<br />
<br />
<br />
Also- here's a little Tazorac update:<br />
Tonight was my first night using it. For the first week, I'm only using it every other night. But I still thought my face was going to be super dry the next morning, but it wasn't! yay! so far, so good.bluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-54489180728465094012009-10-14T21:47:00.000-07:002009-10-14T21:58:14.296-07:00First Day of Tazorac-Acne ReviewSo, for all of you lucky gals like me out there who have PCOS, you are more than familiar with the wonderful symptom known as ACNE. Our acne is hormonal, so it is super super super hard to get rid of. No matter how clean your skin gets, your hormone levels and causing your glands to secrete a lot more oil than it should. As my derm says, it's under the skin.<br /><br />So currently i am taking Soldyn, an antibiotic made just for acne. She also gave me Tazorac, a retin-a type cream that is supposedly the latest and best product. I was very very hestitant to try it, because there's a pretty big chance your acne gets worse before it gets better. I can deal with Acne getting worse for about a week, it is already pretty bad now, but I scar SO easily and that was what worried me. But after reading some reviews on Acne.org, I found out that Tazorac supposedly really really helps acne scars! It dries out and peels your skin, which supposedly really helps for the scars/hyperpigmentation<br /><br />So yes, even though I am scared of my face possibly getting worse for a short period of time, it seems that that time isn't a very LONG amount of time, and honestly, I can just play sick for a week or whatever if it comes down to it. I figure it's better than taking accutane, which has some scary side effects and supposedly doesn't help that much with scars and makes your hair fall out (which is what I was really concerned about, since hair loss is already a side effect of PCOS).<br /><br />I've read some really good things, so I'm excited. I'm starting with every other day, then next week I'll go to everyday. It's a 12 week program to get full results, and I will be keeping you updated!!bluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-83499197628750245092009-10-14T20:49:00.000-07:002009-10-14T21:47:43.419-07:00My Ultimate Goal is Zooey Deschanel!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBJRDISh18OW0XNvoCwjIX92BQ9z9TlW7jrgamrAeo9gWsvK3BSfakO3bZfo4WBiAs7fsMGQKyAxyRCWhTXN1V9dWDPrVRez_bdBUTIxVMporCHP9GJeVNDd-Ex2Xx_8WUz4G9nCiBbNkU/s1600-h/zooey.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBJRDISh18OW0XNvoCwjIX92BQ9z9TlW7jrgamrAeo9gWsvK3BSfakO3bZfo4WBiAs7fsMGQKyAxyRCWhTXN1V9dWDPrVRez_bdBUTIxVMporCHP9GJeVNDd-Ex2Xx_8WUz4G9nCiBbNkU/s320/zooey.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5392672799772006178" border="0" /></a><br />So... outside of my "daily log", I wanted to write about something that has come up in my weightloss journey.<br /><br />I would think that most, if not all of us, have an "ideal weight". It's not just a "goal weight" but more of a specific body weight you have that if you had the power to magically become ANY size at all, you would pick this particular one. Mine?<br />Zooey Deschanel.<br />She is thin, but not a rail. She looks delicate, but not fragile. She still looks feminine, and I think she is very proportionate. But she is SKINNY.<br />She is also taller than me. I am 5'4, she is 5'6.<br />So, to make this accurate, I decided to go by BMI.<br />Her weight was hard to find, and I mean how accurate could it be? But every answered I came upon said pretty much the same thing. The most popular answer is "around 114-132 pounds. There was one specific answer, and it said 121 pounds. I think i'm going to go with that, because it's right in the middle of the first answer, and it sounds about right.<br /><br />So Zooey is 5'6 and 121 pounds, so her BMI is 19.5, putting her on the low range of a normal weight.<br />My weight is 5'4 and 201 pounds, so my BMI is 34.5 (obese... writing that makes me cringe)<br />At a height of 5'4, a BMI of 19.5 is a weight of 114.5 pounds.<br />So, 201-114.5 means I have 86.5 pounds left to lose.<br /><br />This is not a goal that I expect to reach anytime soon. I would like to reach it within the next year or so, but I expect when I hit a weight where I am thin and comfortable, weight will be coming off slower and that will be okay with me. But one day, it would be nice to weigh as much as Zooey Deschanel.bluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-71464392352416827242009-10-14T20:07:00.000-07:002009-10-18T12:24:29.140-07:00Epic Fail & We Have a ProblemSo if you haven't noticed, I didn't write yesterday. That was a first. I was being slack.<br />
I didn't even log all of my food until the very end of the day- usually once i eat something, I go and immediately log it on caloriecount.about.com<br />
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Today, I continued with the slackness but even more so. I fell asleep watching the food network (bad idea) and woke up to Emeril Lagasse pouring peanutbetter and fudge over some icecream/brownie thing. I mean how am i supposed to bounce back from that? So early this morning, I had already decided that I was going to eat some fucking ice cream or chocolate or something today.<br />
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Once I had decided that, my mind got totally carried away. I thought of all the other foods i love/crave all the time. I actually opted for a really chicken breast/cranberry/field greens sandwich, which I only ate half of. But then, I ate a reese's cup (serious weakness) and then went for the foods that I promised myself. I went to taco bell/KFC (they are conjoined where i live) and got an order of nachos, and a kid's kfc meal. I also got a snickers ice cream bar.<br />
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I threw it all up. I knew I was going to once I ate it. I hated doing it, and it sucked, but it was the easy way out. And I knew that all that food wasn't even worth it, and made me so sad that I had possibly blown my whole diet for nothing.<br />
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I threw it all up, and then like two hours later i got STARVING again. i ate a corn dog. it was gross, but i wanted junk food. i had nothing else in my house so I ate three multigrain eggo waffles with butter and syrup. uhhh....yeah. and i didn't throw those up.<br />
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I lost focused today, didn't work out, and I don't really know how I just kind of lost all motivation. I mean not ALL motivation, but most of it. It was like the skinny switch switched from "on" to "off" in my head. Part of this whole process, for me atleast, is to figure out things like this so I can avoid them. But I don't know what really triggered this? I mean did waking up to the food network really throw my whole day off? It sounds drastic, but true.<br />
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I'm determined to be 100% focused tomorrow. Also, to wake up a HELL of a lot earlier (I woke up at like 2pm today...wtf? not okay.) I have my weigh in in 3 days, and I've got to go all out 100%!<br />
Tomorrow I'm going to follow my diet exactly, drink all of my water, do cardio and do my calisthentics. which means, I have to get to bed. night!bluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-58700438233911512752009-10-12T20:42:00.001-07:002009-10-18T12:25:49.290-07:00Being Fat is Vicious Cycle.I was shooting for doing cardio today, but I didn't get around to it. I seriously, seriously have an issue with going to the gym in the late afternoon because that's when it gets crowded, and I had some things I had to do earlier today. This is a prime example of the whole "vicious cycle" i've been thinking about recently. You're fat, because you don't work out. But you don't work out, because you're embarassed about being fat! aghh<br />
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That is why i have been working out around noon, when almost no one is there. it sucks though, because every now and then a hot young doctor will come jump on the treadmill next to me while i'm walking, probably looking like shit and making funny faces at the TV, and start running at like 6mph like it ain't no thang. makes me feel so fat and blagghh<br />
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Okay so I went out last night. I felt like I deserved it- I hadn't gone out in a long time, alcohol is not on my diet and i know it makes me crave junk food. But I only had two beers and a half a shot, and with my 6 pound weight loss, I really wanted to go out.<br />
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I know I shouldn't get ahead of myself, because i've only lost 6 pounds- but yesterday I slipped on a skirt that I haven't felt comfortable wearing in a while. I was more confident, definetly. i hung out with my best friend, who is a RAIL by the way (a model, 103 pounds and 5'7. i know.) and said she said i looked thinner.<br />
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Today I didn't do that well though. I went to taco bell this morning (same chicken burrito minus the cheese thing), but i didn't get a diet coke with i was proud of myself for because I deff wanted one so bad. I've realized, the morning and late at night are my hardest times. I think it has to do with my adderall wearing off. So i've decided one meal i'm definitely not going to cheat at ALL on no matter what is breakfast. I think it will make a difference.<br />
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It's all about recognizing your triggers and downfalls and trying to avoid them. I'm doing my best.<br />
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I'm thinking about a way to reward myself next week if I complete all my goals. Maybe buying this stretch mark cream? I have SUPER bad stretch marks on my stomach- looks like I got 5 months pregnant overnight or something.<br />
I'm still not sure. What do you find works best as a reward for you?<br />
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xobluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2287229286076256280.post-52649788807618408112009-10-11T10:48:00.000-07:002009-10-18T12:26:35.582-07:00Mr. Scale, I love you, but you confuse me.I don't really know how it happened, but however it did i'm excited. Almost 6 pounds in one week, and the day before I had only lost 2 pounds. I did drink a lot of water that day, maybe it was just water weight and it all came out?<br />
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Lost like 8 inches too. An inch in my chin, 2 in my chest, an inch in my waist, 2 inches in my "tire" (right below my belly button) and about an inch in my thighs. Plus some more. Really excited about that.<br />
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I feel good, and i'm determined to keep going. However with my experience I know that success can sometimes backfire- i know that i've cheated a little bit during this diet, but i still have good results. I've got to keep myself focused and know that even though I cheated and got results, doesn't mean that I can keep doing that. I could have probably lost another 2 pounds if I hadn't of cheated, and had put another day of cardio in there.<br />
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Goals for this week:<br />
1. 4 days of cardio<br />
2. eat protein besides chicken atleast once a day<br />
3. expirament with recipes<br />
4. participate in 6WBM forums<br />
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By the way, I have some really really terrible stretch marks on my stomach. Whats the best treatment for them?bluenoteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17978437696290039607noreply@blogger.com3