I did something really bad

I feel like I've been defeated. No, I wasn't perfect at my diet, but I was doing really well. I exercised 3 times this week, I did 4 days of body sculpting, I only cheated a little bit on my diet. I got on the scale this morning because after being so upset last night, I felt like I needed to see the scale for myself before I remained upset today too. but I was right. As of this morning, I had only lost 2 pounds.

before I go off even more about that, I'm going to wait until tomorrow where I actually do my weight in.

But tonight, I did something bad.

First, I want to say that I live with my parents. They are not on a diet. Atleast my dad isn't...he eats terribly. Today, he brought home like 8 things of asian takeout. I probably could have avoided it, but honestly, I ate a another burrito this morning (i know, i'm so upset) and with what my scale said, i was just like FUCK IT. I ate two eggrolls and a two bites of Sweet & Sour Pork. it wasn't worth it. so I threw it up.

and then, I got this care package in the mail from my church. They send them off to kids that have gone to college. Um...completely full of food. Like...goldfish, snickers, starburst, rice krispys, gum, chips, cookies, everything. I mean, you've GOT to be kidding me, right? what the hell is that? a death sentence?

I binged. I ate a snickers bar, a rice krispy treat, half of a pack of starburst, and some fruit snacks. I immediately got a headache. I got really full. It wasn't worth it. I threw it up. I'm really disappointed in myself. I honestly don't even want to think about it. I'm not like...bullimic, and I know how dangerous it is to do something like this. I think just with the negativity of the day, from knowing that i've made such little progress, i just developed the "fuck it" mentality. And I mean seriously, opening that package was like....it was so overwhelming. It was like I was a recovering junkie opening a package and 20 things of heroin pop out or something. I just immediately started eating. and then I threw the rest away.

But seriously, one thing that just KILLS me is the way my parents eat. Almost every night they want to eat out (it's mainly my dad) and my mom just goes along with it. Why do family members stock up on food that they know you love and know you can't eat? It's cruel. I told my mom, and she agreed, and she went downtstairs and threw it all out. Good. Because if it wasn't thrown out right now, I'd probably go and eat some right now.

Gotta stay strong. Gotta stay strong. I'm hoping tomorrow won't be as bad as I think. At the very least, losing some inches would be nice.