me? well...

Every year since I was born, I've gained 10 pounds. At 19, I reached my highest weight ever- 206.4. I developed PCOS and am struggling and determined to get myself back into shape. This is my daily food log. I'm hoping whoever reads it can learn from it, and teach me something in return. We all need friends and motivation at some point.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Updated Final Ultimate Goal- With Date!

For all of those who don't know, I recently finally decided on my exact ideal weight. It's more than just a goal weight- it's a specific weight that if I could weight ANYTHING, I would way this amount: 114.5 pounds. 

I chose this weight because it is equivalent to Zooey Deschanel's exact BMI, and she has what I consider a perfect body. 
At first, this was just an "ultimate goal" weight, that I didn't have a specific date to match. But now, I do!!

My ultimate goal is to be 114.5 pounds by September 13th, 2010.
Why this date? Because September 13, 2010 is the first day of class for the Fall 2010 semester at Savannah College of Art & Design.
I would be living in a new city, starting fresh, with a new body. There couldn't be a better time.

Good news? It's totally do-able. I went to caloriecount.about.com and used their calorie intake advice calculator to determine how many calories I need to eat between now & then. My max daily calories is 1383.

Very, very excited I came up with a date. YAY

I'm Excited/Nervous for my weigh in!

I have to say, I'm pretty proud of myself. I've stuck much closer to my diet than last week, and i'm eating all of my meals (last week I didn't). I also went to the gym today, and although I still have one more day to complete my 4 days of cardio for the week, I went to the gym at like 5 o'clock (and it's friday) and it was super packed, but i just dealt with it. Yay!

For the first time, I noticed that my arms looks smaller. I'm really excited about this because last week my arms were one of the only places I didn't loose any inches in- and i REALLY need to get them smaller!

I haven't weighed myself all week either. I kind of want to, but I'm afraid to ruin this positivity I have going, and I want to keep it going as long as possible.

Hope everything is going well!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

I Feel Good (Dun nun nun nun, I know that I would now)

So i've sticked with my diet 100% (except I added like a tiny bit of nonfat milk to my coffee, I can't handle it black yet)

And as restricting as the 6 Week Body Makeover is, one thing I like about it is that you're so busy eating every few hours and making sure you're eating all the right things, that you literally don't have time to think about junk food. I mean temptation is always there, but it's so much less. I don't sit there and think about the next piece of cake or taco bell trip i'm going to take. Instead I'm thinking about what options I have to eat at home right now, what veggies I'm about to run out of and need to go pick up, ect.

I worked out today, and can i just say it makes a HUGE difference working right after breakfast (when I eat a carb) instead of working out after my mid-morning snack (where I just eat protein & fruit). I did not feel light headed and exhausted afterwards. And i had to walk a lot faster than I usually do to keep up at my target heart rate. I was walking at 2.8-3.0 to keep up my heart rate, normally i walk around 2.5-2.7. It was strange though, two days ago when I was walking, I kept on going over my target heart rate. I had to walk at like 2.0 (which is super slow...i felt retarded lol) to keep my heartrate where i wanted it. It was so weird!
So it made me think... maybe it's the treadmills? maybe the heartrate detector on them doesn't really work? Maybe it was my adderall that morning? Maybe it was my that I ate carbs before I went?
I don't know, it's probably a mix of all of the above. But it was strange.
I should probably just invest in a heartrate monitor, but between this diet and school, i have no time for a job, and therefore hardly any money =(.


Also- here's a little Tazorac update:
Tonight was my first night using it. For the first week, I'm only using it every other night. But I still thought my face was going to be super dry the next morning, but it wasn't! yay! so far, so good.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

First Day of Tazorac-Acne Review

So, for all of you lucky gals like me out there who have PCOS, you are more than familiar with the wonderful symptom known as ACNE. Our acne is hormonal, so it is super super super hard to get rid of. No matter how clean your skin gets, your hormone levels and causing your glands to secrete a lot more oil than it should. As my derm says, it's under the skin.

So currently i am taking Soldyn, an antibiotic made just for acne. She also gave me Tazorac, a retin-a type cream that is supposedly the latest and best product. I was very very hestitant to try it, because there's a pretty big chance your acne gets worse before it gets better. I can deal with Acne getting worse for about a week, it is already pretty bad now, but I scar SO easily and that was what worried me. But after reading some reviews on Acne.org, I found out that Tazorac supposedly really really helps acne scars! It dries out and peels your skin, which supposedly really helps for the scars/hyperpigmentation

So yes, even though I am scared of my face possibly getting worse for a short period of time, it seems that that time isn't a very LONG amount of time, and honestly, I can just play sick for a week or whatever if it comes down to it. I figure it's better than taking accutane, which has some scary side effects and supposedly doesn't help that much with scars and makes your hair fall out (which is what I was really concerned about, since hair loss is already a side effect of PCOS).

I've read some really good things, so I'm excited. I'm starting with every other day, then next week I'll go to everyday. It's a 12 week program to get full results, and I will be keeping you updated!!

My Ultimate Goal is Zooey Deschanel!


So... outside of my "daily log", I wanted to write about something that has come up in my weightloss journey.

I would think that most, if not all of us, have an "ideal weight". It's not just a "goal weight" but more of a specific body weight you have that if you had the power to magically become ANY size at all, you would pick this particular one. Mine?
Zooey Deschanel.
She is thin, but not a rail. She looks delicate, but not fragile. She still looks feminine, and I think she is very proportionate. But she is SKINNY.
She is also taller than me. I am 5'4, she is 5'6.
So, to make this accurate, I decided to go by BMI.
Her weight was hard to find, and I mean how accurate could it be? But every answered I came upon said pretty much the same thing. The most popular answer is "around 114-132 pounds. There was one specific answer, and it said 121 pounds. I think i'm going to go with that, because it's right in the middle of the first answer, and it sounds about right.

So Zooey is 5'6 and 121 pounds, so her BMI is 19.5, putting her on the low range of a normal weight.
My weight is 5'4 and 201 pounds, so my BMI is 34.5 (obese... writing that makes me cringe)
At a height of 5'4, a BMI of 19.5 is a weight of 114.5 pounds.
So, 201-114.5 means I have 86.5 pounds left to lose.

This is not a goal that I expect to reach anytime soon. I would like to reach it within the next year or so, but I expect when I hit a weight where I am thin and comfortable, weight will be coming off slower and that will be okay with me. But one day, it would be nice to weigh as much as Zooey Deschanel.

Epic Fail & We Have a Problem

So if you haven't noticed, I didn't write yesterday. That was a first. I was being slack.
I didn't even log all of my food until the very end of the day- usually once i eat something, I go and immediately log it on caloriecount.about.com

Today, I continued with the slackness but even more so. I fell asleep watching the food network (bad idea) and woke up to Emeril Lagasse pouring peanutbetter and fudge over some icecream/brownie thing. I mean how am i supposed to bounce back from that? So early this morning, I had already decided that I was going to eat some fucking ice cream or chocolate or something today.

Once I had decided that, my mind got totally carried away. I thought of all the other foods i love/crave all the time. I actually opted for a really chicken breast/cranberry/field greens sandwich, which I only ate half of. But then, I ate a reese's cup (serious weakness) and then went for the foods that I promised myself. I went to taco bell/KFC (they are conjoined where i live) and got an order of nachos, and a kid's kfc meal. I also got a snickers ice cream bar.

I threw it all up. I knew I was going to once I ate it. I hated doing it, and it sucked, but it was the easy way out. And I knew that all that food wasn't even worth it, and made me so sad that I had possibly blown my whole diet for nothing.

I threw it all up, and then like two hours later i got STARVING again. i ate a corn dog. it was gross, but i wanted junk food. i had nothing else in my house so I ate three multigrain eggo waffles with butter and syrup. uhhh....yeah. and i didn't throw those up.

I lost focused today, didn't work out, and I don't really know how I just kind of lost all motivation. I mean not ALL motivation, but most of it. It was like the skinny switch switched from "on" to "off" in my head. Part of this whole process, for me atleast, is to figure out things like this so I can avoid them. But I don't know what really triggered this? I mean did waking up to the food network really throw my whole day off? It sounds drastic, but true.

I'm determined to be 100% focused tomorrow. Also, to wake up a HELL of a lot earlier (I woke up at like 2pm today...wtf? not okay.) I have my weigh in in 3 days, and I've got to go all out 100%!
Tomorrow I'm going to follow my diet exactly, drink all of my water, do cardio and do my calisthentics. which means, I have to get to bed. night!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Being Fat is Vicious Cycle.

I was shooting for doing cardio today, but I didn't get around to it. I seriously, seriously have an issue with going to the gym in the late afternoon because that's when it gets crowded, and I had some things I had to do earlier today. This is a prime example of the whole "vicious cycle" i've been thinking about recently. You're fat, because you don't work out. But you don't work out, because you're embarassed about being fat! aghh

That is why i have been working out around noon, when almost no one is there. it sucks though, because every now and then a hot young doctor will come jump on the treadmill next to me while i'm walking, probably looking like shit and making funny faces at the TV, and start running at like 6mph like it ain't no thang. makes me feel so fat and blagghh

Okay so I went out last night. I felt like I deserved it- I hadn't gone out in a long time, alcohol is not on my diet and i know it makes me crave junk food. But I only had two beers and a half a shot, and with my 6 pound weight loss, I really wanted to go out.

I know I shouldn't get ahead of myself, because i've only lost 6 pounds- but yesterday I slipped on a skirt that I haven't felt comfortable wearing in a while. I was more confident, definetly. i hung out with my best friend, who is a RAIL by the way (a model, 103 pounds and 5'7. i know.) and said she said i looked thinner.

Today I didn't do that well though. I went to taco bell this morning (same chicken burrito minus the cheese thing), but i didn't get a diet coke with i was proud of myself for because I deff wanted one so bad. I've realized, the morning and late at night are my hardest times. I think it has to do with my adderall wearing off. So i've decided one meal i'm definitely not going to cheat at ALL on no matter what is breakfast. I think it will make a difference.

It's all about recognizing your triggers and downfalls and trying to avoid them. I'm doing my best.

I'm thinking about a way to reward myself next week if I complete all my goals. Maybe buying this stretch mark cream? I have SUPER bad stretch marks on my stomach- looks like I got 5 months pregnant overnight or something.
I'm still not sure. What do you find works best as a reward for you?

xo

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Mr. Scale, I love you, but you confuse me.

I don't really know how it happened, but however it did i'm excited. Almost 6 pounds in one week, and the day before I had only lost 2 pounds. I did drink a lot of water that day, maybe it was just water weight and it all came out?

Lost like 8 inches too. An inch in my chin, 2 in my chest, an inch in my waist, 2 inches in my "tire" (right below my belly button) and about an inch in my thighs. Plus some more. Really excited about that.

I feel good, and i'm determined to keep going. However with my experience I know that success can sometimes backfire- i know that i've cheated a little bit during this diet, but i still have good results. I've got to keep myself focused and know that even though I cheated and got results, doesn't mean that I can keep doing that. I could have probably lost another 2 pounds if I hadn't of cheated, and had put another day of cardio in there.

Goals for this week:
1. 4 days of cardio
2. eat protein besides chicken atleast once a day
3. expirament with recipes
4. participate in 6WBM forums

By the way, I have some really really terrible stretch marks on my stomach. Whats the best treatment for them?

Week 1 Weigh-In

Day 1. Measurements!

Chin/Head: 25.5

Chest: 39.5

Upper Left Arm: 14.25

Lower left Arm: 10.5

Upper RightArm: 15.0

Lower Right Arm: 11.0

Bust: 45.0

Waist: 38.5

Torso (right below belly butto): 46.5

Hips (right above butt, below "tire"): 45.5

Butt: 45.0

Upper Left Thigh: 27.75

Mid Left Thigh: 25.0

Above Left Knee: 19.5

Left Calf: 16.0

Upper Right Thigh: 28.5

Mid Right Thigh: 24.5

Above Right Knee: 18.75

Right Calf: 15.50

Total: 511.75

Difference: 8.75 inches!!!!

weight: 200.8 pounds!!!

Difference: 5.6 pounds!!


Oh my god I am so happy. Somehow, between yesterday and today, i lost an extra 3 pounds? what is that?
I'm so happy, I'm so relieved, I'm so glad all of this hard work wasn't a lost cause.

Should I still start metformin? I think I might.