I did something really bad

I feel like I've been defeated. No, I wasn't perfect at my diet, but I was doing really well. I exercised 3 times this week, I did 4 days of body sculpting, I only cheated a little bit on my diet. I got on the scale this morning because after being so upset last night, I felt like I needed to see the scale for myself before I remained upset today too. but I was right. As of this morning, I had only lost 2 pounds.

before I go off even more about that, I'm going to wait until tomorrow where I actually do my weight in.

But tonight, I did something bad.

First, I want to say that I live with my parents. They are not on a diet. Atleast my dad isn't...he eats terribly. Today, he brought home like 8 things of asian takeout. I probably could have avoided it, but honestly, I ate a another burrito this morning (i know, i'm so upset) and with what my scale said, i was just like FUCK IT. I ate two eggrolls and a two bites of Sweet & Sour Pork. it wasn't worth it. so I threw it up.

and then, I got this care package in the mail from my church. They send them off to kids that have gone to college. Um...completely full of food. Like...goldfish, snickers, starburst, rice krispys, gum, chips, cookies, everything. I mean, you've GOT to be kidding me, right? what the hell is that? a death sentence?

I binged. I ate a snickers bar, a rice krispy treat, half of a pack of starburst, and some fruit snacks. I immediately got a headache. I got really full. It wasn't worth it. I threw it up. I'm really disappointed in myself. I honestly don't even want to think about it. I'm not like...bullimic, and I know how dangerous it is to do something like this. I think just with the negativity of the day, from knowing that i've made such little progress, i just developed the "fuck it" mentality. And I mean seriously, opening that package was like....it was so overwhelming. It was like I was a recovering junkie opening a package and 20 things of heroin pop out or something. I just immediately started eating. and then I threw the rest away.

But seriously, one thing that just KILLS me is the way my parents eat. Almost every night they want to eat out (it's mainly my dad) and my mom just goes along with it. Why do family members stock up on food that they know you love and know you can't eat? It's cruel. I told my mom, and she agreed, and she went downtstairs and threw it all out. Good. Because if it wasn't thrown out right now, I'd probably go and eat some right now.

Gotta stay strong. Gotta stay strong. I'm hoping tomorrow won't be as bad as I think. At the very least, losing some inches would be nice.

I'm about to give up

I got really upset last night, because i'm pretty sure that even after 7 days of straight hard work, I haven't lost very much weight if any. I'm tempted to throw in the towel. I mean if I'm going to eat like this for 7 days, work out, and do everything else but not lose any weight what's the point in killing myself?! I feel hopeless.
I'm determined to give it atleast one more day.
But it's gonna be hard. Because just the thought of eating another chicken breast makes me wanna die.

Taking it easy & PCOS concerns.

I have a feeling that my weight isn't going to be as low as I've hoped it's going to be on Sunday. I hope for the best, but I feel like I can feel the effects my bloodsugar is having on my body. I get headaches, I get tired, now that my blood sugar is so much lower than usual.

I've been looking into PCOS stuff. If I don't loose a good amount of weight sunday morning, I'm going to take Metformin. Insulin resistance makes it really hard to loose weight, and metformin can regulate it. My mom has some left over metformin, so I'll just take hers (already checked with the doctor) for a little while and see how I like it.

I Should've Known

Every Thursday I have friends over to watch Project Runway. They always bring beer and some sort of junk food over, and I am proud to say that I didn't eat or drink any of it. Okay I had 1 twizzler. but seriously, just 1.

I did end up staying up way too late last night though, which wasn't good. My friends didn't leave until 2 and I didn't get to sleep until 4ish. Its noon now, and I'm exhausted and groggy. Hopefully my adderall will kick in!

I ran out of chicken/protein to eat, and had to run an errand this morning. I was starving so I ran by Taco Bell. Got a chicken Burrito Surpreme with No Cheese, knowing it was less than 400 calories and besides the sodium, tortilla and the tiny bit of sour creme, it followed my diet. I'm not super upset with my choice honestly, but maybe I will be later.

My legs are kind of sore. All the exercising is starting to kick in! uhoh.

Bad News can just be Motivation...right?

I broke a rule I've been trying to keep again: I stepped on the scale.
Um....I've only lost like .8 pounds so far. what is that? I'm shocked. Even though i haven't been perfect on my diet, it's like night and day. I'm really upset about it, but i'm just going to try to be even more strict about following the diet.
Went to the gym and walked, came home and did the body sculpting, and once i got home i just got really tired. I'm still really tired. I ate something, it helped a little, but I'm not exhausted i'm just tired and have a headache. I really think its low bloodsugar...

If I don't loose a significant amount of weight by sunday, I'm going to consider going on metformin. thoughts?

Tired & Craving

Went to sleep later than I liked last night, and my cravings from the night before for Taco Bell came back. Couldn't stop thinking about it this morning, but I also woke up hungry. I was determined to atleast eat breakfast before I did anything else.

So for breakfast, I ate one of the Pumpkin Oatmeal Muffins from the 6 Week Body Makeover Recipe site. I substituted stevia for splenda (it doesn't take much, a little goes a long way) and here is my review:
the taste? was AWESOME. just like eating pumpkin pie. yummm
Actually everything was awesome except for the cooking time. I don't know if it was just me, but the cooking was off. It said 22-24 minutes at 350, but when I took mine out they were not nearly done. I put them in for like 40 minutes, still not done. I thought maybe if i let them sit and rest overnight they would set up properly. They were better this morning (i put mine in the microwave for like 20 seconds which helped also) but they weren't done still. Put them back in the over at 400 for like 10-15 minutes. Definietly a lot better, still a little runny, but the bottom was almost burnt so the temperature was too high at 400 obviously.
I'm thinking 375 degrees at maybe 40-45 minutes would do it maybe. I can't believe my oven is that off from the original recipe? so weird.

So I ate that with some chicken breast, also ate a salad with a tiny bit of dressing because I was extra hungry this morning. Took some adderall, waiting for it to kick in. I swear, if I'm still craving Taco Bell later today, I might just give in. I'm fighting it but I feel like unless I have it it's not gonna go away. Maybe this adderall will help though.

I'm really tired right now. Going on a walk doesn't seem very good right now, but I've still got some time so maybe later.

Day 4, Mistakes & Achievements

I've been trying not to go out at all because:
1. I lack so much self confidence that I don't enjoy going out as much and
2. It's not on the plan and
3. I'm trying to be healthy in all aspects
4. Late night drunkeness= late night junk food
But I went out for a little bit tonight, only had ONE drink and a shot. I had a Jack & Ginger (it's my weakness) and a free shot. Not bad, and I felt like I had a long day so I deserved it. Still wish I hadn't drank it though- wasn't worth it.

Came home around 1 and was hungry (ate last at like 9:30, so I was overdue for a meal). Started MAJORLY craving Taco Bell's Nacho Surpreme. Seriously almost got in my car to go get it. It was so overwhelming. But I totally didn't- I beat it.
I'm really proud. I just ate a half of a chicken ceasar pita, a little heavier on the dressing than normal (usually i put like 1/4 of a teaspoon on it, I probably put a full tablespoon... but still way better than taco bell!)
Once I ate it, I felt better. I still wanted (and still want) a Nacho Surpreme, but i don't feel like I have to go out right now and go get one.

So...what could have been sparking these cravings? My guess:
1. Hunger
2. Late night
3. Old alcohol habits

So "late night" is obviously a really hard time for me. You know what I think I'm going to do about that? Go to bed earlier, wake up earlier. Sounds like a plan.

Well that means I have to get to bed. Any tips would be helpful!

OH ps. just made some pumpkin oatmeal muffins that are plan friendly, taste super good but they didn't cook right! deff need to hike up the temp & the cooking time.
I'll fix some better ones tomorrow.

Day 4, and I'm starting to really like cardio!

As you can see from my previous post, i had a slight break down yesterday when I realized what I ate. But I promised myself that this morning I was going to wake up and brush it off (tomorrow is another day) and that's just what I did.

I went to the gym and walked between 2.6-2.8 mph for 60 minutes. I really liked it. It didn't hurt, I felt like I was releasing energy, and I wasn't straining myself. I always HATED working out, I think because for so long it was like almost painful. I used to be more of an athlete, and varsity tennis practices are really intense. Now I know that to keep my heartrate at fat burning level (110-131 for my age) I know that it doesn't have to be like that. I feel enlightened.

So my words of encouragement is this- just go for a walk! walking for an hour, especially if you're watching tv on the treadmill, is super easy and healthy to do. I didn't get sweaty to the point where I feel like I have to shower again (another reason I hated working out). You don't have to kill yourself at the gym in order to stay healthy. Seriously.

I'm about to go get some fruit, more veggies, and possibly some shrimp & flounder at whole foods. Going to make some pumpkin-oatmeal muffins that are plan friendly.
Also about to go do my Day 2 of the Body Sculpting Plan. Wish me luck.

Day 3- Taco Bell & Scary Sugar Cravings

Day 3 is over.

It was going well, until I ended up skipping my afternoon snack. I was worried about what would happen if I skipped a meal, so I was excited when I was let out of math class 30 minutes early. I had read-up on 6WBM fast foods that are friendly. I went to go deposit my check, and went to chik-fil-a to order a Grilled Chicken Sandwich with no bun or pickles and a small fruit cup. I was really proud of myself because I couldn't remember the last time I had ordered anything at chik-fil-a besides fries, chicken strips, lots of sauce, sweet tea, and ice cream.

And then, my card declines. My check didn't go through so I had no money to get any food. I eventually found like 3 dollars of cash in my bag, so I made a quick trip to Zaxby's which was right next door to my class, thinking at the very least they'd have a salad I could get. I got a small side salad (lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers) with no dressing and I attempted it to eat it but I just couldn't. I seriously almost threw up in my mouth. I was about to be late for class so I had no choice but to just deal with skipping a meal. I kept drinking a lot of water, and everything was okay until I got home.

And then I slowly cracked.

It first started when I realized I didn't have anything at home to eat. i had eaten the last bit of chicken earlier that day. i was really tired and figured I could get some money from my dad and just buy a fast food meal that was 6WBM friendly like I was going to do earlier that day. So I got some money, and I kept on thinking about it and I went to taco bell. I wasn't in the mood for Fast food type lettuce (its always really gross) so I thought a burrito with grilled chicken and rice and salsa would be okay. So I asked for a chicken burrito with no cheese, thinking the only thing I would be cheating on was the tortilla which wasn't the end of the world. Then I get the burrito, and I look inside, and theres that like avacado ranch type sauce all over it. I knew it added a ton of calories and I shouldn't eat it, but I was soooooo hungry at this point, it was like 1030 and it had been 7 hours since I had eaten anything). So I ate it, feeling guilty the whole time, and also realizing that it wasn't THAT good. It wasn't worth being fat for.

I tried to brush it off... but then the worst and scariest thing happened...

I planned on going straight home, eating some green beans and a lot of water. Then, out of nowhere, I get a huge craving for poptarts. This was scary...Because I literally couldn't stop myself. Like, I drove to the gas station, stayed in my car and debated for like 10 minutes on whether or not I really wanted to go and buy the poptarts, went into the gas station, couldn't bring myself to buy it, got in the car and the craving got worse, went to the other gas station and bought a pack. I only ate 1 & 1/4, the rest of it I put down the sink right when I got home. And its not just poptarts I crave, it's HOT poptarts and COLD milk. it's seriously a weekness. I get like that with poptarts and cookies. Anyway, It was really scary that I couldn't force myself not to go get the poptarts and eat them. I think part of it is simply out of habit, I used to always eat crap like that late at night, usually after some major fast food run. Just even now, thinking about it, having that shit in my system is just making me crave it even more. It makes me so mad.

So I come home to log all of my food i've eaten- and I go to taco bell's website. You will never, ever believe how many calories a grilled chicken burrito has. First- ingredients? Only grilled chicken, rice, tortilla, cheese, and avacado ranch sauce. I got mine without cheese, and it was STILL 410 CALORIES!!!! WHAT THE FUCK! that is like more than eating a snickers bar! I could have eaten like a serving of ben & jerry's for that shit! I'm so mad. And the worst/weirdest part? WITH the cheese it's 440 calories. So cheese is only making a 30 calorie difference?

This had led me to do some investigating.

If I had gone without the Avacado Dressing and the Cheese, my burrito would have just been 340 Calories. it's still a little high, but it sounds about right.

Taco Bell has a Nutrition Calculator, that you can calculate all of your nutritional info for anything on the menu and even customize it! Also, I am finding out that this "Fresco" thing via TB is available for ANYTHING on the menu. Seriously, you can get anything Fresco'd. It basically means no cheese or sour creme or sauce, lots of tomatos and onions of salsa.
I Suggest everyone to do some research-it's very interesting.
http://www.tacobell.com/nutrition/calculator/

So tonight was....well, I don't know what it was. It was scary. And now I have a headache, and I feel like it's from all the crap I ate. But I am trying to stay positive and keep in mind that I am completely changing my lifestyle, and this is kind of my body freaking out about it. It is the beginning. I am breaking old habits. Sometimes old habits die hard. But next time, i'll be better prepared. So some things I learned from all this:
1. I must eat all of the meals, and ON TIME. Not eating my afternoon snack at made me suppper hungry. If I hadn't of been so starving, I would have been able to throw my 410 calorie burrito out the window. And then I wouldn't have had poptart cravings, either.
2. I must have food on hand, all the time. If i had something to eat when I got home, I never would have gone out in the first place.
3. Crappy food and sugar is addicting. During this diet, even though it's only been a few days, I really haven't had these extreme cravings that I normally have for junk food. But once I eat taco bell, I immediately get a sugar craving for poptarts. Concindence? I think not.


Tomorrow is going to be a little more hardcore 6WBM. More strict.
Just grilled some chicken with no salt or olive oil.
Going to the grocery store to get some veggies, and ingredients to try some 6WBM recipes.
Excited!

Anyone else have scary sugar cravings? Please let me know. I'd like to know I'm not alone.

Good luck in all your weight loss!

Day 3- First Day of Cardio!

So today is my 3rd day. Things have been going pretty well so far. Except...

I swore I wouldn't let myself on the scale until Sunday morning, but I got really curious yesterday. So i stepped on, and I had gained like .7 of a pound...I'm not going to lie, it's really discoraging. Which is exactly why I didn't want to let myself get on the scale.

Maybe it's because I'm not following this diet exactly? I'm following it about 75%. I haven't been eating my last meal just because my days aren't long enough to fit it in and I don't feel right eating a full meal at midnight. Maybe it's because the chicken I've been practically living off of was grilled with olive oil? Maybe its because i haven't been drinking 100 oz of water (more like 70)? Maybe its because i snuck a little salad dressing on some of my stuff?

All of those thoughts are running through my head, but the way I'm eating right now compared to how I have been eating is such a big difference, and the calories are so much lower, that I feel like even if I'm cheating a little bit, in the long run I'm making enough of a difference that I should see a lower number on the scale. I dunno. I'm going to try to put it in the back of my head until Sunday morning. I swear, if things don't look better on Sunday, i'm gonna be pissssseddd.

I had my first cardio workout today. I think the heartrate monitor was wrong on the treadmill but I'm not sure. I really hate working out at the gym because of people always being there, but I went at like noon today and it was pretty dead. Still not totally comfortable, but it was wayyyy better than going at like 5 oclock or something.

I tried to stay between 110-131 (reccommended fat burning for my age, atleast that's why the 6WBM says) and it kept switching up on me. I stayed between 2.5-2.8 the whole time. Last time, it was a lotttt slower. I wonder what this means? Probably means that I need to get a heartrate monitor.

I have school today, and i don't know how I'm going to eat because I bascially have class for 5 hours straight. I'm gonna try to just eat right before I go at 4 which will be my lunch, then maybe I'll bring some strawberries and chicken with me that I can eat really quickly in the car during a break during art class. we'll see what happens.

DAY 2- MONDAY OCT. 5TH

Today is my second day. So far, it's going okay. I realized that I MUST take my adderall or else i will majorly crave food and get really hungry. As long as I take adderall, I'm okay.

I've been looking on this 6WBM website/forum for new recipes. I found a breakfast recipe that's called "French toast" and uses just egg whites, nutmeg, sugar & vanilla. I was excited to try it because there were so many good reviews on it! but I didn't like it that much. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't very good. I put a little bit of blueberries in it, which made it better, but it was still like a 5 on a scale from 1-10. It was just "ehh". But I found a recipe for oatmeal pumpkin muffins on there that I am really excited to try.

I always knew that i was gonna cheat a little bit on this diet, mostly because it's crazy strict, but I've been doing well so far. I know the chicken I grilled had a little olive oil & salt on it, i've been using a tiny bit of salad dressing, and some of the beans I had were canned (Didn't realize this until it was too late), and I had like two bites of ice cream yesterday. However, compared to what I normally eat- that's a hugeee change. Slow steps, i guess?

I did the "Body Sculpting" yesterday. Some of the exercises were GREAT and I could really feel what I was doing. But then there are some that I know need work. The seated abdonimal & oblique crunches for example- I watched the video & read the directions a hundred times but i felt like I just wasn't getting it. I don't want to do these incorrectly.

Today I'm going to go to the gym. I really hate the gym. I'm a college student and I live in a college town, and I feel so out of shape and hate seeing other people watch me work out. It REALLY bothers me. I have a stationary bike, well my mom does, but it doesn't work right now. When she gets home we're gonna have to fix it.

Day 1- SUNDAY OCT. 4

SUNDAY, OCT. 4 2009

Today is my first day of the 6 Week Body Makeover challenge.

I have tried it before, but it only lasted a few days. This time I'm determined to stick with it. The problem is not that if it works or not, it certainly does for sure, but its a hard diet to stick to. But i'm going to do it!

Day 1. Measurements!

Chin/Head: 26.25

Chest: 41.5

Upper Left Arm: 14.0

Lower left Arm: 10.5

Upper RightArm: 15.0

Lower Right Arm: 11.0

Bust: 45.0

Waist: 39.5

Torso (right below belly butto): 48.5

Hips (right above butt, below "tire"): 46.25

Butt: 46.50

Upper Left Thigh: 28.50

Mid Left Thigh: 24.50

Above Left Knee: 19.0

Left Calf: 16.0

Upper Right Thigh:29.0

Mid Right Thigh: 25.0

Above Right Knee: 19.0

Right Calf: 15.50

Total: 496

weight: 206.4

They say that you should loose 30 pounds in 6 weeks.

1st Goal: 175 pounds by November 15th!

I think the hardest part of this diet is the fact that it's very restrictive. No salt, no diary, no oils. It's hard to cook. Sometimes it doesn't seem like theres enough variety.

I'm going to try to stick with it as much as possible, though, especially in the beginning. I think eventually I might change one of the meals to a healthy more regular food version. like a lean cuisine for dinner or something. But that's in the future.

Breakfast today was at 12:30 pm

Snack will be at 3 pm

Lunch will be at 5-6

Snack will be at 8-9

Dinner will be at 10-11

I don't think I am going to the gym today to walk, but I will start with my 18 minute body sculpting plan today.

bye!